My So-Called Life

11:43am: Me...some more...kinda.

1:51am: me

3:24pm:

11:11pm: I'm a star.

11:31pm: Matt, Lance, Rob, Will, Ryan, Andy, John

4:18am: http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/07/01/waiting.room.death/index.html
http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/07/01/waiting.room.death/index.html#cnnSTCVideo

12:29am: http://www.myspace.com/adarkershade1570

Do you think The One The Only would sound better with a piano instead of organ?
Yes
No
Ew organ! This isn't church!
I like it just the way it is!!


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6:09pm: Dan's girlfriend.
http://media.www.redandblack.com/media/storage/paper871/news/2008/06/15/News/Student.Killed.In.Oconee.County.Crash-3381895.shtml

12:31am: Things I am avoiding:

school
my credit report
my taxes
getting money from school?!?

5:32pm: Keller (blind/deaf 14yo Cocker Spaniel)
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2054343&l=3e844&id=71103386

Although I haven't responded to many comments, I have read them all and cherish each one of them. Thank you all so much for your support and kind words through this difficult time for us.

Well, it's over. Keller is gone. She's an angel now. She can both see and hear now. I bet she's looking down on me thinking "So THAT's what she looks like!" I hope she thinks I'm as pretty as I think she was.

Keller and I spent the day together just like any other day. She slept really well that day in bed with me. The night before I had ordered a T-bone from work so that I could eat some of it and leave the rest for her. I wanted to use it to distract her from what was going to happen. I set up a blanket on the kitchen floor where she was used to laying. She and I laid on the floor with the steak while we waited for Dr. Stacy. She had called to say she would be a bit late, and the anxiety was starting to get to me. When she pulled in, Keller and I met her outside. Dr. Stacy had never met Keller before but she realized immediately how beautiful she was. Keller hit the grass and went pee like routine, then she began to circle. I picked her up before she got too worked up.

I invited Dr. Stacy and her assistant, Patrick, inside. I didn't want the whole procedure to be a big deal...I just wanted to distract my girl and let her go peacefully. The three of us sat down on the floor while I hugged Keller. I held her like this while the doctor gave her the first injection near her hip. This was supposed to calm her down and get her ready. I sat Indian-style on the floor and Keller laid in my lap, panting, but only slightly. She was very calm. She relaxed for about five minutes while I kind of explained the whole situation to Dr. Stacy. Finally, she asked me if we were ready...and I didn't hesitate. As she laid in my lap, the doctor shaved a small section of her forearm. Then she inserted the needle. It was a lot of liquid and it looked very thick. She started injecting Keller very very very slowly. I held her in my lap with one hand underneath her. I felt her heart go from rapid, to less rapid, to normal, to slower, to slow, until I couldn't feel her heart at all anymore. I knew she was gone...and there was a little bit more medicine to inject. As soon as I felt her heart stop a few tears fell from my eyes, but that was it. I used my free hand to close her eyes. I kissed the top of her head as I told her what a good girl she is. I told her I'd miss her and that she was an angel now. I told her she didn't have to be tired anymore. She didn't have to run in circles, she didn't have to miss me anymore. She could sleep well now.

She laid there in my lap while they did an imprint of her paw for me. I held her in my lap for a little while as the doctor and I spoke about other dogs we knew in common, like Vandi and Brynn's dog Duke that I'm sitting for this weekend. Finally she asked me if I was ready for them to take Keller. I didn't want it to be awkward, so I offered to carry her out. She felt so...heavy. So heavy and so...floppy. She's my girl. My good girl! I hugged her very tightly as I walked her out to the car. I placed her on the sheet in the doctor's backseat. Her tongue was sticking out, so I told her to stick it back in her mouth and I helped her. :( She was a happy girl to be gone, I think.

I had been warned that she might release her bladder or bowels, or a slight groan. None of these things happened. She went peacefully and was so ready...so very tired...so ready and tired. It wasn't a very traumatizing experience, honestly. It's just lonely without her. I've been keeping her in mind with every decision I've made with how to use my time for the past six months. I've had to worry about her, wonder about her, and plan for her. She's been a constant responsibility of mine. It's just...different without her here. I'm more free, but it's uncomfortable. I'm used to planning for her...and ignoring anything keeping me at home has been very awkward. I have Guinness and Duke here with me for the weekend, and I am so thankful for that. I still have my Ary and Ada, but things just won't be the same for awhile. I have to clean the house on Sunday. Finally the house will be clean and stay clean without Keller the peedog. I think it'll be hard coming home and now smelling her. Not running up the stairs from my car in excitement to see her. I really did look forward to her waking up as she smelled me walk in the door. I'd always try and trick her and see how long it would take her to notice I was home, but it never took her long. She was such a very good girl. SUCH a good dog...and now she's a very happy girl too.

I love you Keller with all my heart and I thank you for teaching me the most devoted form of patience I could ever experience. I am so glad you are no longer tired...you are my angel.

8:56am: Keller is getting put down today and I really want this dog http://atlanta.craigslist.org/pet/699099862.html but it's $800 which is cheap for a Great Dane but there are just too many other dogs out there that need homes for less. :(

I REALLY WANT THAT DOG

2:36pm: From: TILA TEQUILA



Date: May 24, 2008 6:30 PM
Subject: HOOKING UP WITH TILA TEQUILA!!
Body: Hi Everyone!

I have some really exciting news! I just currently got a book deal and I have decided to take advantage of this moment to dedicate my new book entitled, "HOOKING UP WITH TILA TEQUILA" to all of my fans out there!

In this book I will give advice on love, relationships, sex, and how to make your dreams turn into reality....just like I did! I want to be able to help people and give some advice on my own personal experiences that will somehow end up helping others along the way!

So since my book will be dedicated to all of my fans, here is how I want you to get involved: Just write me a question that you have about anything! Ask me about love, sex, relationships, family, career, etc....anything you would like to ask me because now I will be able to answer you! You can also share with me some of your stories in life or your own personal experiences! I love to connect to my fans and I want to continue connecting with you all!

So please write me to my personal email address.

Don't forget to put up your Myspace Screen Name so I can find you or print it out in my book as well! YAY! Email me now at:

HookingUpWithTila@gmail.com

I am looking forward to hearing from you all! I can't wait and I'm so excited to write a book for you all! I will be here picking out your questions and will contact you personally once your question or story has been chosen! Can't wait!

Love Always,
Tila




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MINTHONEY
Is Online
May 25, 2008 2:34 PM
Not a single comment on this first page, out of 10, is written in proper English. WTF? -Delete-

im the one& only dont get it twisted
Is Online
May 25, 2008 2:32 PM
wats up i think u are so pretty i would like to get picked but if u dont its ok urstill beautiful.. luv u tila

♥danni babii!™
Is Online
May 25, 2008 2:25 PM
pleaseee pic me tila!!!!! i luvv u soo soo soo much! u are and idol that i inspire soo much!

changeisgood

May 25, 2008 2:18 PM
pick me!!!!!!111 i got skills!!

HORSECOCK™

May 25, 2008 2:07 PM
seriously, tila, how many people have you hooked up with??

T♥A♥Y♥L♥O♥R♥Y♥O♥U♥ K♥N♥O♥W ♥ M♥E♥
Is Online
May 25, 2008 2:02 PM
heyy tila ur so awesome i tried watchin some of ur show but i did nott gett a chance to watch them all but i watched the first season but mabe you can try to update mee on sum more.... with love.. ur freind Taylor!♥3

Muneca00

May 25, 2008 2:00 PM
Hey my love i adore you and wish you the best i hope you pick either bo or kim good luck love you tila love sammy

[A] [s] [H] [l] [E] [y] ♥
Is Online
May 25, 2008 1:55 PM
I WATCH UR SHOW TILA!

Jessica

May 25, 2008 1:25 PM
hey tila if u have msn plz. add me JessciaG_2013@hotmail.com

♥

May 25, 2008 1:21 PM
woop woop!! tila stack those $$chips$$ i'll be sure to write you. fuck the haters. lol

2:23pm:

The vet is coming over to our house on Thursday at 4pm to put my Keller to sleep forever. The very last thing I want to do is to bury her on my rental property that I'll abandon in two or three months. I've seen urns and the like...and I get free cremation services...but I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions of creative ways to make a memorial for my girl. Any ideas?

12:07pm: http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/05/16/white.valedictorian/index.html

11:19pm: Hey Ben, what's the name of that vet you go to? I need to get an estimate on a Cushing's Disease test for Keller.

I am dreading her euthanasia. I am also wondering if I can set aside three days to go through Effexor withdrawals by quitting cold-turkey. I'd have to stay in bed for at least two days and I would probably need intravenous fluids...so I don't know...ha.

6:55pm: Title!
http://atlanta.craigslist.org/stp/674376212.html

10:34pm: I just can NOT figure out whether or not Keller wants me to put her to sleep.

2:55pm: My roommate's employer:

8:41am: http://www.cnn.com/tshirt/allshirts/index.html
okay i'm sorry...but WHAT THE FUCK?

http://www.cnn.com/

check out the new TSHIRT ICONS next to the headlines

seriously...what the fuck?!

7:10pm: http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/europe/04/27/austria.cellar/index.html

Josef F. lived upstairs with his wife, Rosemarie F., who police said had no idea about her husband's other family living in the cellar.

She said her father began sexually abusing her at age 11. On August 8, 1984 -- weeks before she was reported missing -- her father enticed her into the basement, where he drugged her, put her in handcuffs and locked her in a room, she told police. For the next 24 years, she was constantly raped by her father, resulting in the six surviving children, she said, according to the police statement.

10:54am: I LOVE COCKer spaniels so much!

3:20pm:

3:18pm: I'm procrastinating. I have my last test in this class tomorrow, and no final exam. I am spending the rest of the evening studying. AFTER this entry!
( Read more... )

6:50pm: http://www.pitbullsontheweb.com/petbull/findpit.html

6:00pm: http://athensga.craigslist.org/stp/649223196.html